Finally I was done and looked up at the clock. It was just half past 5. 'How could I have finished off everything in just half an hour when it usually used to take me at least 45 minutes to do the same?' , I wondered. I felt like talking to someone , I picked up my organizer and went thro' many names - some close friends , some good friends and others - just acquaintances. I dialed one number and waited for someone to pick it up at the other end - "We are not at home , please leave your name and number and we will get back to you as soon as possible". I waited till the beep and then hung up. Should I call up someone else ? It is hard to find people at home on Sunday evenings , I thought. I kept down the receiver.

'There is something strange about this evening. But what ?' I could not nail it down and that made me uneasy. 'Oh yes , how could I be so stupid ? I don't have the nagging thought that I have to get back to the office tomorrow morning. No bugs to worry about , no testing , no nothing!!!! Never thought that I would have such a time in my life ever.' I recalled how on many a Sunday evenings , I had called up one of my closest friends and complained about the routine and monotony of life and how it is getting on my nerves. The thought made me smile and I thought of calling her up but dropped the whole idea again at the thought of reaching the voice mail. I was caught in an inexplicable situation where I wanted to talk to someone and did not want to at the same time.

I came into the balcony , breathed in the evening air and gazed at the sky now so bright with a rainbow of colors , the rays of the setting sun had given it a soft glow. Somewhere in the distant horizon I could see a plane threading its way across the evening sky. It was preparing to land. I wondered where it was coming from. But surprisingly something inside me told me that somewhere in its belly it carried someone who was coming to this land for the first time , much the same way I had come here 3 years back.

They say that when your last moment comes , your entire life flashes before you in an instant. I don't know if it's true but there sure are times when you remember so many events with such clarity as if they had happened just yesterday. I could almost see myself as I was 3 years back when i landed at that airport one Summer evening. I could not recognize that me now. She seemed someone from another life - a girl of about 22 who had never left her parent's place before and could not have dreamed of doing so for anything in the world , still wondering what made her do so this time and come to this foreign land where she knew no one but a few friends , curious to know what made these people tick , full of hopes , scared to death at the thought that she had no one to turn to in moments of crisis , but confident at the same time that she is capable of handling anything that came her way. Can so many varied emotions exist in the same person at the same time , I now wondered. But it was no fiction , it was a real person, a person in flesh and blood. It was me.

I looked at the plane again. It had almost disappeared off the horizon and was in final stages of landing. I felt a sudden kinship with that unknown person in the plane. If only I could see that person!!! What would I do then , I asked myself. I would tell her about my experiences , the thingsIi learnt - some the easy way but most of them the hard way , my triumphs and my failures , the days when my hopes touched the skies and the days when despair and gloom seemed to engulf me from all sides. I would tell her of people - nice , helpful , friendly , mean , selfish , people who changed my life , people who taught me so many things , people who laughed with me and people who cried with me. So many faces ran thro' my mind - some who had got lost on the way and I had had to let go finally. How long could I have stood at the crossroads , waiting for them to come back to me ? It is neither easy nor wise to hope against all hopes when you know in your heart of hearts that there is nothing to look forward to and then you let go.

I wanted to tell her all that and then it suddenly dawned on me that I was being unfair to her - to that unknown person - in doing this. I was denying her the opportunity to learn all of that by herself. I could have told her all about it but she had to learn it still on her own , no alternatives here. Life is a great teacher and it's true that it repeats the lessons till you get them right. Ask me , I know it.

My gaze turned to the horizon again despite knowing that I would not see that plane there now. I almost imagined another plane in its place , taking off this time in the direction of my motherland. Two more days and I would be gone , never to come back again.

I could see the entrance of my apartment complex from where I was standing , lots of cars coming and going , people getting down and getting in them , laughing , talking in totally foreign languages , people unaware of my thoughts. I looked at my own car parked in front of my apartment complex. The rays of the fading sun had set up a golden frame against it and I loved it just the same I had when i had bought it. It was never just a car for me , it was someone I had confided to many times , told about my problems , anxieties and joys , cried to in moments of utter despair and sadness. I knew all its moods and how they reflected my own. I could not imagine anyone else behind its wheel. For a moment , I was myself surprised at these thoughts. How could I myself - who boasted of never being possessive about anything - could get so possessive about it ? Yet that was the truth.

My chain of thoughts was broken by the ring of the telephone. I checked the caller ID , no one I knew. I stared at the phone till it stopped ringing then sank back in the sofa. My eyes scanned the entire room right from the corner unit with 4 shelves - I had liked it the first time I saw it but I did not buy thinking that it was too costly, I went 2 days back and bought it finally - to the tiny water fountain that had always played a soft music in the room. My heart ached so much at the thought of it all that I burst into tears and cried unabashedly. And that was the last time that I felt that pain.

I don't know about other people but I have seen it happen with me time and again. If something hurts me , the pain does not go away till I have felt it in its total intensity and then it is all gone. I guess, the first step in the healing process is to feel the hurt totally. The tears that come cleanse it all. It happened again this time.

After I stopped crying, I felt a sudden peace in my heart. I could look at everything again without the pain , in its proper perspective. I asked myself - why am I so much attached to these things which were not supposed to be with me forever anyway ? Isn't there anything that I will be carrying across with me to be with me forever?

I did not have to wait for the answer for a long time. I certainly had so much more than I could have hoped for - I had friends with invisible bonds of such strength that I was sure could stand all limits of time and distance , I had memories of happy times - echoes of laughters still ringing in my ears, I had memories of tears shed secure in the knowledge that there are hands to wipe them away. But above all ,I had a new me to take back home - someone more matured , more confident , more tolerant and maybe just a bit wiser.

A thought crossed my mind and I dialed a number without thinking for a moment what time it was back in India. A sleepy voice answered the phone. I did not have to say anything. After a moment's silence my mom said with a concern plain in her voice " You okay ?" "Was never better , trust me. I finally came to terms with the situation" , i said with a smile which I was sure she would be able to make out irrespective of the distance which separated us. "What time does the flight come here ?" she asked. "At 4 in the morning" was all I could say. "See you at the airport , my countdown begins now." she said.

There was a pause which we both understood and then she said softly " Welcome back home".